Fear of writing vows

As a wedding officiant, one question I ask when discussing a couple’s ceremony is, “Are you going to write your own vows?” Alot of times this question is met with silence first, then a brief look is exchanged, followed by disappearing smiles as fear envelops them. And 80% of the time they reply, they would be too intimated to stand in front of everyone reading something so personal or they don’t know how to write their vows. It is overwhelming and there is enough stress with a wedding. Or English is not their first language and they feel this a barrier to communicating.

I have to say, I love to hear the vows couples write themselves. It brings everyone to tears. I understand how hard it can be to stare at a blank page trying to write something heartfelt. Then your afraid you will become a nervous wreck, standing in front of a room full of people and expressing your feeling to your beloved.

The one thing to remember is, you only have focus on the person your about to marry. Blocking out everyone else. Your vows need not be long, a few sentences, a special memory, the best thing about being in love with them and why you want to spend your life with them.

I have had people send their vows to me to read over, mainly because English was not their first language. To be honest, because it comes from the heart, it’s always perfect. I only suggest a few changes to sentence structure for it to sound better, but it always surprises me. Trust yourselves. It’s ok to shed those tears men! It is after all, a day you want to remember!